Recently, I have become concerned over Bailey’s decision to eschew barking in favour of masticating a green rubber cat which produces a piecing squeak when so violated.
This practice has been increasingly visited upon irritant callers, particularly postmen, leaflet droppers and religious evangelists without any apparent effect.
My misgivings led me to enlist the services of Professor Smeddum, better known on these pages as the eminent literary historian, but equally qualified in his role of Principal at the Luncarty Institute for Canine Psychology.
Smeddum inhaled for several minutes on his meerschaum before reaching a preliminary conclusion. “Your beast is suffering from either a mid-life trauma centred on emissile dysfunction, or has reached a state of enchanted awareness regarding vistors and is mocking their pathetic attempts to gain entry to your sanctum.”
Wisely refraining from anecdotes featuring would-be sanctum enterers, I waited nervously as Smeddum leafed through a large file entitled Scale Fees for Awkward Cases. (to be continued…)